...And Misery Loves Company.

*cue annoying news update music*-We interrupt this program to bring you some good 'ol teenage rage, courtesy of helcar. Stay tuned, the scheduled program will return shortly...maybe-
Well isn't this just the Friday from hell? (Just a warning, if you don't want to read this whiny anger post, then go ahead, you can walk away and come back when I have up a different post. See if you like it better. I wouldn't blame you.) But Fridays are supposed to be fun and great and everything. When I was at school, it was fun and stuff (well, other than the nagging in the back of my mind about the events that were to come...) and like if I ignored the school part it was great. Even when I went home, it was still ok. But now EVERY DAY I dread when my mom comes home. I don't want to hear her screaming and yelling and blaming me and Victoria for EVERYTHING while Alexandra turns up her precious Hannah Montana and gets none of the tongue lashing.
And before I get too much of my annoyance out and lose my head (forgive any language that slips through the parental barriers of my mind. I'm kinda pissed right now.) I'd just like to let you know that I DO realize that there are people that are a hundred times worse off than I am right now.)
So anyways, when I went to Alley's Halloween thing (which was fun) and I was supposed to clean the ENTIRE lower level of my house, which is always the messiest. I cleaned the basement and my room and my bathroom and went to the party thinking I was off-free-liberated from the madhouse that I live in. My mom comes to pick me up and she's all-yeah you're grounded for two weeks.. Why? Because the basement and my room "weren't clean" YES THEY WERE.

Commencement of my mom's crazy Nazi slave driver phase was on an unknown date, but it was now in full out rage power-up swing. Not only had she given me a job list that included
-clean, vaccuum, dust the basement
-","," your room.
-Clean the Chinchilla cage
-Clean the kitty litter
-vaccuum the basement steps
-clean your bathroom
and this all had to be done by 2pm on that day (even if an alarm is set, I normally don't get up till at least 9 or 10am.

She comes home, complains about how we don't do anything and we don't love the animals because we dont do anything with them (I fill up Rio's water dish like every 4 min, play with him all the time, feed him and teach him tricks. I also clean the chinchilla cage and take care of their food and water and treats 24/7. What more does she want?) Then tells us how lazy we are and tells us to pick up or do the dishes or something.

Then, since I may or may not have mentioned that we were supposed to be finding homes for the two girl cats, Patches and Princess. I no longer have Patches. We dropped her off at her new owner's house tonight, and we were supposed to do the same for Princess, but the people who were supposed to get her didn't pick up their phone so we couldn't get their address. All day long, I got to think about how the cat's that I've had and taken care of were being taken away from me. They had to go because "the didn't like each other and they didn't like the dog and Princess pees on the floor because she's all territorial over everything." So yeah.

Also, this girl on my cross country team (we have the banquet on Tuesday, and knowing how much my mom loves me right now, she'll probably ban me from that, in which case I will tell her to take a flying leap and walk to the school if I have to.) made it to STATE. This girl is seriously amazing. She's an 8th grader, and she got 8th place in the Varsity race at sectionals-which had like 17 schools at it- and she is the #1 Varsity runner. I was going to go to the meet tomorrow to support her, because if someone you were on a team with went to state, you probably would want to go because thats like AMAZING, especially when you're running against the top high school runners from each school. I wasn't even going to make my mom take me to the meet, because Clara had offered to take me to the meet (and then her sis' basketball game) and my mom was like "NO. Anything that allows you to be around your friends is banned in your groundation because you tried to flimflam me". Firstly, WHO says FLIMFLAM?! But also, despite begging, reasoning and being angry, she continued to say no (when she lets Alexandra do whatever when she's grounded) and so I can't even go to a SPORTING EVENT to support MY TEAMMATE because my mom says that I'd be able to hang out with my friends.

I am so f-ing frustated that I just want to scream or cry or punch a wall (or my mom...) but I CAN'T. Because that would trigger more complaining. All the the techniques to dissapate all this pent up anger (some good angry rock music, throwing weight pieces at the basement floor and making lovely dents-which I am just waiting for my mom to notice-, punching pillows, excersising, its NOT making me any less angry. UGH.

It doesn't make sense to me that I should have to be the slave/scapegoat and be blamed for everything, while my sister can do a half a$$ed job of dusting and not do any of her other jobs and get off scott free. Why do I get grounded from my one salvation when I do something "wrong" while my sisters get grounded from something that doesn't even matter to them? WHY do I have to put up with my mom who is practically bi-polar and cursing me out one minute then trying to kiss me on the cheek, and then she's pissed when I'm not embracing her with open arms?! My mom says she wishes we would be out of the house and then says we can't go anywhere. I don't ask her for money, I don't get in trouble in OR out of school, and I obey practically her every whim. So WHY does she see fit to act like a total b*tch to me 90% of the time?

On the-well I don't know if its a plus or downside, becuase I guess it sorta depends- Clara is beginning to see the frustration I endure with the Mark situation. Its not as simple as it seems, and you only ACTUALLY understand it if you've experienced it. I won't go into any more detail for that because I deem it unnecessary.

We wear the mask that grins and lies
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,--
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be overwise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tourtured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath the feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

--Paul Laurence Dunbar
The scheduled program will return shortly...
-Helcar. :I